TikTok

Delete it. Delete your account, delete the app, go without it for at least a month. I promise. You don't realize it, but it is sucking your soul. I used to spend so much time (so freaking much) just scrolling. If I was busy, I was scrolling. If I was bored, I was scrolling. I know a lot of people would read that and think, yeah no freaking way. I would have said the same thing two months ago. I went through a really low era, I felt worthless, I felt like nothing was worth time or effort, or even a second thought. I was often wondering, What's the point? One day, I woke up at 4 AM, out of nowhere, and I just could not get back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. I was scrolling until 6 AM, and I finally looked up for a minute, just to see the sun rising. I realized just how much time I had wasted that morning, when I could have been studying for my last final, I could have been working out, I could have been doing something, anything productive. But I was in a trance, I couldn't look away from my phone. In that very moment, completely on a whim, I just deleted my account. I had to get rid of it, completely cut off any access to it that I might have had. I clicked "Yes, I'm sure" about three million times and when it finally said it worked, I remember I felt such deep regret. What did I just do? Would this make the list of top ten regrettable decisions I've ever made? In that moment, yeah, it sure did. I tried distractions, I went for a walk along a river, I went to an airport for seven hours, just to watch planes take off and land. Every time I got the slightest bit bored I noticed that I would go to my phone, and try to click TikTok, only to find it wasn't where it once was. I started to realize the severity of my fear of boredom. I needed to be bored. I needed to be comfortable being alone, and bored. The first few days were so hard, but I am telling you, it got better almost immediately. I instantly got more accepting of whatever bad experiences I had, I was so much happier, I was less stressed, I felt a feeling that I couldn't even remember feeling ever. Though I'm not really sure what it was, I can only assume it's happiness. Is this what it feels like? Now, a little over a month later, I am doing so much better, just from that one simple change. I am thinking about redownloading it in the future, but every time I get to the date I want to get it back, I am able to push it off, and say "just a little bit longer wouldn't hurt". And then I go that little bit longer with no problem. I am being more creative on my own, without needing a prompt, I am being more involved in my friends and family, I'm better at talking to others without needing to rely on internet jokes to pick their brains. Social media can be so great sometimes, it can spread so much joy, so much creativity, but I now firmly believe that everyone could really use a detox, even if it's just for a few days. Anything helps, I am serious. Lots of people will not, in any universe, do this, but that's why they need to. 

But for now, stay curious, and let your thoughts linger a bit longer